Comments (63)

1449137 - 30 May, 2021 - 02:47PM

To those of you on IE who began an affair before Covid and haven't been able to see your lover during the lockdown...

...i bet you didn't plan on being f*cked like this.

1447499 - 30 May, 2021 - 01:52PM

My darling, my angel,
My dearest Joanna.
When I look at you
I see a spanner

Don't be alarmed
No need to be frightened
'Cause when I look at you
I can feel my nuts tighten

 1 member likes this comment.

1447499 - 22 May, 2021 - 08:59AM

A prostitute is approached by a zoo manager and asked if she would sleep with a speaking Panda.
The prostitute is naturally confused and thinks this is one big prank but she's down on her luck and begrudgingly agrees.
The date is set and she meets the Panda who is surprisingly cordial and polite. They enjoy their time together but the time comes for the prostitute to leave.
The conversation around payment for 'services' crops up but the Panda walks off.
Looking around the den she finds a dictionary and decides to explain to the panda what is required:
"Look", she begins, showing the panda an excerpt from the dictionary; "Prostitute: someone who sells sex for money"
The panda takes the dictionary and flicks through a few pages and reads: "Panda: Eats shoots and leaves"

 2 members like this comment.

1447499 - 21 May, 2021 - 11:00PM

Whilst casually browsing a market, I came across a stall with only 2 items: an automated manakin playing a piano and a lamp.
I asked the vendor why they only had these items for sale to which he replied;
" the lamp is magical, rub it and a genie will grant you unlimited wishes"
Brilliant, I say - I'll buy it! but the vendor continues....
"I think it's broken though"
Why's that? I say...

The vendor replies....
You don't think I wished for a 12 inch pianist, do you??

 2 members like this comment.

1447499 - 21 May, 2021 - 10:44PM

I have a friend
His name is Jim
I like to throw tomatoes at him
Tomatoes are soft,
They don't break the skin.
But these ones do as they come in a tin!

 1 member likes this comment.

1447499 - 21 May, 2021 - 10:40PM

What do dogs and near sighted gynecologists have in common?


Wet noses

 1 member likes this comment.

Reef7765 - 07 Mar, 2021 - 12:22PM

I'm so unlucky I picked my own car keys at the swingers party.

 2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 07 Mar, 2021 - 11:39AM

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked
the stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer, and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them. 😁

 5 members like this comment.

Mr Rite now - 16 Feb, 2021 - 05:50PM

A man says to a prostitute ... do you take American Express ? ...... you can do it as fast as you like love

 2 members like this comment.

ExoticOrchid - 16 Feb, 2021 - 05:12PM

Why can't women park?
Because they've always been told 3 inches is 6 inches.

 1 member likes this comment.