Comments (48)

LesYeuxBleus - 15 Feb, 2023 - 02:39PM

I think that you need to be very open and clear, try and get him to empathise with how it makes you feel. You're not a carbon copy of another woman, you're an individual.

 1 member likes this comment.

Whoisit? - 15 Feb, 2023 - 11:29AM

sounds too complicated, i woudn't go there.

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MatureWorcsBBW - 15 Feb, 2023 - 11:12AM

I'm divorced twice.
I initiate relationships on my terms now.
And I've never regretted it.
But
It isn't for everyone.

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1581571 - 15 Feb, 2023 - 10:45AM

30 years is a long time to fully take on a certain dynamic and I guess this is what he has done. Trying to look at it from his perspective, I agree with FullEnglish, it probably gives him a sense of security after a very difficult and earth-shattering experience. Losing his wife must have felt like his whole world was shaken to the grounds.
Your goal would therefore have to be to find ways to give him this feeling of safety and stability with you. And for that you would probably need to connect deeply with him. In practical terms: create experiences where you are away from day to day stuff, so you both can open up and connect. For example going to a spa or even just a hot bath together - nakedness together can open up some men (and I'm not talking about sex here, just emotional openness). Or a tantra-inspired evening, where you put some blankets and pillows on the ground, get some grapes or other light snacks and then just sit together and talk. Then you could talk about your feelings and ask about his.

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Delicious Chaos - 15 Feb, 2023 - 10:21AM

Good lord!
Speak to him and tell him you’re not that wife

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1543989 - 15 Feb, 2023 - 09:44AM

For me, every relationship is different.

Obviously, being on this site, I’m looking for something very different from my current relationship.

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Bslooking - 15 Feb, 2023 - 09:22AM

Best thing would be to talk about it with him to make sure it's both what you want

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Full English - 15 Feb, 2023 - 09:13AM

Interesting thread; we are driven by learned behaviours and seek consistency, so perhaps that’s why this is happening in your world … what have you done to discuss this with your husband …?

I guess it may be happening because it can be difficult to let go and move on, so subconsciously people try to recreate as it is normality.

My tips would be to speak to him and see whether he is aware that this is what he is doing and share how you feel … then have an affair lol 😂😂😂

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