Comments (48)

Paula99 - 16 Feb, 2023 - 11:55AM

I get that the guy in question just wants something similar to what was his currant relationship and 3 years is a long time in this climate but to be together for 30 years is something that can’t be taken lightly….he loved his wife dearly but sometimes we tend to go with what we know because it’s comfortable and it’s worked for 30 years so why shouldn’t it work again ?
It will be very difficult for him to recreate that again and for the new woman to accept ..most women wouldn’t want to do that because we are individuals and we want want our own comfort zone .. also its kinda spooky..

I think the guy in this post needs to relax a little and maybe find someone with the same qualities but not to replace his beloved wife..it’s a partnership that needs nurturing..TLC…and understanding…but maybe he’s testing the waters before he commits himself to a ‘real’ relationship which is working through his mind ..
Good luck to him .. I hope he finds his princess

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sungura4u - 16 Feb, 2023 - 11:26AM

It could just as simply be - he knows what he liked and wants to have what he liked - people are frightened of change or feel umcortable making changes. The key to any relationship (even here!) is good communication, maybe you just need to sit down one day & talk about what he wants from your relationship - and of course you can tell him what you want too!

 1 member likes this comment.

1447655 - 16 Feb, 2023 - 10:02AM

As to the O.P's actual question, i think a lot of us would love to get back what we first had with our spouces, after all, we chose to marry them. But a repeating pattern can happen in affairs too. Some people will repeatedly seek and find the same type of person with whom they have the same type of dynamics with. It's usually a sweetspot for attraction. Something you recognise, like a familiar tune, that pulls you in. But it's not always a positive thing.

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FluffyClouds - 15 Feb, 2023 - 10:13PM

I do think you need to have a conversation with him about it and tell him what you believe he is trying to do. I'm not a counsellor, but 30 years is a long time to be together and then lose them. That had been his constant. Did he receive grief counselling? Did he remarry too quickly? Did he remarry because he was lonely? These are questions only you and he can answer by discussion. You'll need to explain to him why you think what you do. Maybe a marriage counsellor could help?

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1582610 - 15 Feb, 2023 - 06:22PM

Sounds like this is a recipe for disaster. As someone has already mentioned you either need to talk to them or walk away. You do not need to live in some else’s boots.

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1579230 - 15 Feb, 2023 - 04:21PM

Uncomfortable for the OP.
I do find that I meet women on here who are trying to recreate an affair from their past often where they’ve been replaced by a younger model. It’s irritating, as of course nobody is that person who was their lover. FWIW they seem to be the ones who are more, ahem, creative with their stated ages.

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laugar164 - 15 Feb, 2023 - 04:02PM

Option 1 stay in the marriage and have an affair
Option 2 sit down and discuss your feelings and try and work through it
Option 3 run for the hills

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gemini2310 - 15 Feb, 2023 - 03:16PM

Sounds like your looking for different to what you have with your husband you both seem to want different or you would not be on here.

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Paula99 - 15 Feb, 2023 - 03:10PM

Unfortunately I haven’t been in this situation but I would have to inform the OP that I find it difficult …I would have to end this relationship for my own self preservation…🙁

 1 member likes this comment.

1408586 - 15 Feb, 2023 - 02:50PM

Without wanting to judge or underestimate how complex relationships are. It seems like on the one hand, you want to improve your relationship by asking your husband to be open and communicate honestly with you (possibly counselling would help?). But at the same time you are doing the opposite by looking for an affair…

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