Comments (48)

Caroline Red - 30 Mar, 2023 - 11:38PM

sounds like there are three people in your marriage. You, your husband and the ghost of his wife. Spooky!

 1 member likes this comment.

1586130 - 30 Mar, 2023 - 06:14PM

ooh... that's a deep one.

 2 members like this comment.

1587581 - 30 Mar, 2023 - 10:59AM

Have you discussed this at all?

Is your relationship strong enough that you can talk openly to one another?

If you can, I'd start with some form of mediation, councilling, marriage guidance. I guess it comes down to if you want to reamin in the relationship or not.

What is your motivation to join IE?

More questions than answers I'm afraid but designed to get you thinking.

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1588499 - 30 Mar, 2023 - 10:16AM

Wow, what a delicate and touching question. Looking forward to reading the replies. (No experience here.)

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1578120 - 30 Mar, 2023 - 10:08AM

I guess some people are just yearning for the past, but for a lot of us life is change and exploring the different and new, it certainly is for me!

Cleevedreams - 30 Mar, 2023 - 09:55AM

I’m imagining deep conversations about ‘what is love?’ and the psychology of men and their inner thoughts and fantasies. Men bottle their thoughts up. How do women ‘let it all out?’

1444888 - 20 Feb, 2023 - 10:38AM

surely the whole point of ie is find something different to or what we are missing from, our home life. As much as I understand how much your husband misses his previous wife, it seems unfair on you for him to be trying to 'recreate' what he had.
You are your own person with your own feelings thoughts and desires. I acknowledge that there may be similarities to his previous, but he should treat you as you, not someone else.
I have never lost a loved one, but do find myself wondering if he was ready to move on when you two married.

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TheBoredHousewife - 16 Feb, 2023 - 02:56PM

Like EO, my IE experiences are brand new for me too. I seek the novel, men who I perhaps wouldn’t have considered in the past, and are certainly nothing like my husband in personality or demeanour.

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1575958 - 16 Feb, 2023 - 01:43PM

I can't comment about any IE relationships, but no, you can't have the same relationship with someone different because they are different. No carbon copies, unless you're into twins and even then they will be different.
As part of being here is as an escape, surely you would want something different!!??

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ExoticOrchid - 16 Feb, 2023 - 01:29PM

I read something many years ago which said that those who were happily married tends to re-marry very quickly ... perhaps it is an unconscious desire to have the same happy relationship again therefore perhaps the OP's husband is doing the same. As P99 points out, thirty years is a very long time to be married but for the new wife, it is not easy.

As for the OP's question ... for me, all my IE relationships are brand new ... they are nothing like each other and absolutely nothing like my ex-husband or the relationship I had in my marriage.

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